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The Bachelor – More Drama Needed

There is implicit agreement between the show The Bachelor/The Bachelorette and its faithful housewife audience (and me) that each episode and season needs to be more dramatic than the last.

Below is a brief analysis of the dramatic elements used on ABC’s the Bachelor and how they can up the ante for future seasons:

1. Dramatic heavy-handed music while the Bachelor makes his fateful decisions

Ante up: Wagner is played, just after the crescendo, the Bachelor gives his decision.

2. To tack on extra drama time Chris Harrison walks out to say “[Bachelor Name], the final rose whenever you’re ready.”

Ante up: Chris Harrison walks out to say “[Bachelor Name], the final rose whenever you’re ready..” Then there is a pause and he says “Or is it?”

3. The voiceover once a season says something to the effect of “and don’t miss the most dramatic rose ceremony in Bachelor history.”

Ante Up: The suitors engage in a roller derby – of death!

4. One scandal at least a season is par for the course. In the current season one contestant actually hooked up with someone on the show staff and was removed. One the Jillian season, Wes, the country singer had a girlfriend back home but was on the show to promote his career.

Ante Up: One characters secret is that they were once the opposite sex.

5. There is always one character who either has children or is divorced.

Ante Up: One character always has a prehensile tail.

6. Bachelor or Bachelorette cries at least once per episode

Ante Up: The Bachelor fear/sadness previous response of crying is replaced by a low whirring sound generated by his or her deviated septum

7. Bachelor/ Bachelorette now routinely sends home both people on the 2 on 1 date.

Ante Up: As the rejects walk home they have to leave while doing a jig of sadness.

8. Throwing roses into a fire

Ante Up: To add insult to injury, Rose is thrown in the toilet. The rose itself being large lingers for just a moment before giving into the flush. Slow motion is necessitated.

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